DEVELOPING  EMOTIONAL (IQ) INTELLIGENCE:  THE VALUE OF EMOTIONAL COACHING

​

Emotional intelligence is sometimes referred to as EQ (emotional quotient), a term coined over a decade ago but now becoming known to be just as important as IQ.  Daniel Goleman was the first to popularize this notion in his book, Emotional Intelligence : Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (1997).  Emotional intelligence involves the ability to use emotions positively and constructively.  It has also been referred to as people skills, emotional literacy and character.

​

There are several critical components of high emotional intelligence or high EQ.  The skills typically believed to make up emotional intelligence include:

• Emotional Expressiveness

• Optimism

• Persistence & Flexibility

• Resilience

• Self-Control

• Independence

• Interpersonal Skills

​

Translated to a child’s perception of the world, these skills might be described with statements such as:

• I can talk about what I am feeling

• I am a good person

• I am happy

• I can control myself

• I can deal with problems

• I can do it

• I can get along well with others

​

Most people cannot maintain all of these skills all of the time, but most families could benefit from being aware of skills which are less measurable but at least as important as other tangible signs of success.

​

Parents should be the "first" emotional coaches for their children.  By taking an active role in your child’s emotional education, you can make a significant difference in their ability to get along in life.  Expressing interest in your child’s development and unconditional love are vital, though certainly having your own strengths in emotional intelligence can be helpful.

​

The good news about raising EQ is that it can be nurtured and developed, at any given time.  The bad news is that it does not happen overnight.  The first step is to seek out a realistic assessment of your child’s strengths and weaknesses. Then decide to focus on one specific skill to target.  If your child doesn’t have strong feeling vocabulary, for instance, start using the language more often and making connections between events and feelings. If your child has trouble with flexibility, for example, start working on exposing him or her to new experiences, developing more coping skills, and fostering adaptability.

​

A child’s EQ learning and development is influenced by many internal and external environmental factors, which can be improved through repetition, continuous guidance and support.  As with the skills of reading and math, breaking down the task into small goals will help to make the larger goal more manageable.  Practice and more practice is necessary.  And as is true for so many other parenting decisions, what you do is more influential than what you say.  It is our role as parents, to be a role model to our children, at all times.

​

Bullying can contribute to students feeling socially isolated, worthless or depressed. In addition, the psychological effects of bullying can last well into adulthood and increase a person’s chance of experiencing things like anxiety disorders. Contacting a Lifestyle Management Coach may be a good way to help your child overcome their bullying situation. Together, you and the coach can identify healthy strategies to improve the overall quality of your child’s functioning at home, school, and within the community.